Last night after my children were in bed, I found myself watching television for the first time in a while. Imagine my surprise to discover that the new season of American Idol is starting up again!

(Oh, right. There’s a writer’s strike going on, but all of those reality shows don’t need writers. Funny how that works.)

Anyway, I laughed myself silly during Idol, which might be sort of cruel (all of those aspiring singers! singing their hearts out, and occasionally wearing goofy outfits!) but really, that’s the point of the show at this point. It’s about entertainment, and believe you me, I was entertained.

During the show, they ran no less than fifteen commercials for a new, upcoming reality show where people get strapped to a polygraph and asked invasive questions, assumedly for the chance to win some money. Ah, America.

Anyway, this got me thinking. (Always dangerous.) There should be more reality television involving children. I don’t mean things like Kid Nation with manufactured scenarios and such, either. I mean more entertainment based upon what children naturally do.

Like…

American Pouter. Who can mope the longest over Mom’s refusal to okay cookies before dinner? Find out next week! The series’ winner will be given a couture modeling contract (lower lip only) and the chance to form their own Emo band.

The Biggest Fibber. Watch as this group of angelic children slowly cave to peer pressure and begin lying to their parents more and more often, until one of them finally emerges as… the biggest fibber! That child will win some money, and also a lifetime career in politics.

Big Sister. Enter the house where only one shall triumph, but the oldest girl child sees all and won’t hesitate to tattle. Who shall reign supreme? And whose socks are those on the floor? The winner goes on to be upper management at a technology company, never accomplishing anything, but making sure they’re all up in your business 24 hours a day.

Honestly, why the networks haven’t called me yet is a mystery….

Ever since last summer when it was announced that Noggin and The N would be splitting up at the end of this year, folks have been waiting to see how the two networks will change up their programming to fill the new slots.

Because, after all, they’ll each have twelve more hours—twice as much time—to fill.

Well, wonder no more! The new plans have been announced, and it will all kick off on New Year’s Eve:

To kick off the split, Noggin and the N will each air marathons on New Year’s Eve. Noggin will air a primetime movie marathon from 6-11 p.m. Dec. 31, featuring the premiere of “Franklin and the Turtle Lake Treasure” as well as “Dora Saves the Mermaids,” “Save the Wonder Pets!” and “Great Jaguar Rescue.”

I can think of little that would make most small children happier than getting to stay up on New Year’s Eve and watch the Wonder Pets. Who needs Dick Clark when you have Turtle Tuck?

There’s new goodies headed to Noggin in the new year, too:

Among the offerings from the preschooler-targeted Noggin, which becomes a stand-alone network at 6 p.m. ET Dec. 31, is “Pinky Dinky Doo,” which has been greenlighted for a 26-episode second season. Based on the book series by Jim Jinkins, “Pinky” is Noggin’s first original animated series dedicated to enhancing early literacy.

The channel also is set to premiere the 26-episode animated preschool series “Toot & Puddle,” based on the books by Holly Hobbie, in fall 2008.

(Get a sneak peak at Pinky Dinky Doo here if you want to learn more.)

I’m actually more excited about Toot & Puddle than is probably normal, but we’ve been fans of the books for a long time. I think a series would be awesome. (And not just because they’re written by Holly Hobbie. Yes, that Holly Hobbie. I wonder how weird it must be to have an iconic cartoon character sharing your name? So weird it causes you to go write stories about two pigs who are best friends, apparently.)

Anyway, I don’t think Noggin is going to have any trouble filling up that extra time. And if you find yourself at a boring party on New Year’s Eve, you can always flip it on for some old favorites!

As if it isn’t enough that this is the season when all of the old favorite holiday specials are on television, the regular programming schedule is getting a little jolt of the holiday spirit, as well. I am especially loving this on account of my family’s recent relocation to warmer climes.

(Those of you who’ve always lived where it’s still arcing into the 70s in December may be used to this, but we aren’t. A few holiday television shows featuring plenty of yuletide glee along with some snow are just what the doctor ordered.)

Anyway, Nickelodeon is running all sorts of great stuff this month. Tomorrow (that’s Friday, December 14th, 2007) your preschooler can get into the spirit all afternoon long:

December 14 (12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m.)

12:00 p.m. The Wonder Pets! “Save the Reindeer”
12:30 p.m. Blue’s Clues “Blue’s First Holiday”
1:00 p.m. Go, Diego, Go! “Diego Saves Christmas”
1:30 p.m. Wow Wow Wubbzy! “O Figgity-Fig Tree/Snow Day” (PREMIERE)

The winter holidays are here, and the kids are building a winter festival, Madame Zabinga is rehearsing the Nutty-Nutcracker, and Walden is waiting for the arrival of blue snow. Best of all is the lighting of the Figgity-Fig Tree, and this year Wubbzy wants to make it the best tree ever! But as usual, he overdoes it by adding too many lights and blows out the generator. Without any lights, the Wuzzleburg townspeople must come up with novel ways of decorating the tree. In “Snow Day,” Wubbzy goes sledding and Widget brings out his snow-shoveling machine. Walden begins building a snow sculpture of a Woly-Polar Bear, but soon Wubbzy sleds right into it, knocks it down and buries Widget’s machine in the snow. Now Wubbzy and Widget scramble frantically to fix the sculpture before Walden finds out.

Later on in the day, Christmas comes to the Wayside School:

Friday, December 14 – Wayside “Sideways Christmas” (PREMIERE)

“Extra-Curricular Ridicular”
All the kids are forming bizarre after-school clubs, except for Todd, who creates a plain old “Science Club.” Myron laughs at him, believing his club will be better, until he sees Todd’s club has managed to build a functioning rocket. Jealous Myron tries to form a “Science Club” and build a rocket of his own.

“Sideways Christmas”
A series of haphazard events confuse Myron into thinking he’s actually stuck in his own version of “The Christmas Carol.” The other kids are baffled as he mistakes them for Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, and in the end, Myron learns his lesson.

On Sunday you’ll find a holiday-themed marathon taking place on Nick in the afternoon (featuring Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron, Danny Phantom, and others), and of course there’s plenty more holiday cartoon goodness as we move closer in towards Christmas. See the entire schedule here if you need to plan around your favorite shows.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Well, it’s official: I’m old. Did you know that this year marks the 50th anniversary of How the Grinch Stole Christmas? It’s true!

It seems to me that I remember when the TV special first came out. (Oh, wait—a quick check with IMDB tells me that even the television special was born before I was. Alrighty.) So maybe I’m not quite that old, but still. It’s been fifty years since Theodor Geisel wrote the original story, and over forty years since the television tradition began.

On the heels of my confusion over the holiday special my kids chose to watch, last night they sat down to watch the Grinch movie (which they had recorded earlier). Now, my kids have no idea that there’s a live-action version of the film out. So far as they’re concerned, the Grinch I grew up with is the only Grinch there is.

And that’s the way we like it.

I’m thinking I may have to get a copy of the special Random House anniversary edition of the book:

[The book] not only includes the original story, but also a 25-page retrospective by Dr. Charles D. Cohen, a Massachusetts dentist who has the largest private collection of Seuss-related items in the world.

The 50th-anniversary retrospective Cohen wrote traces the evolution of the drawings, describes Geisel’s collaboration with Chuck Jones on the successful TV cartoon that followed the book and surveys the sequels and foreign-language translations.

“Who knew that the Grinch is called ‘Trolli’ in Iceland and ‘Gorcs’ in Hungary?” says Cohen.

In his retrospective, he also looks at the way the story has become part of the culture, with references to it popping up in literature, television and everyday speech.

He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch. (You’re welcome, for putting that song in your head for the rest of the day.) But I sort of love him. And so, it would seem, does the rest of the world. Happy birthday, Grinch! Have some roast beast.

Last night my family had the misfortune to catch Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer on television. You know how this goes—it’s Sunday night, the tree is twinkling and the busy weekend is drawing to a close, and the kids ask if they can see if anything good is on TV, and you say okay… and before you know it, you’re watching a holiday special of dubious merit.

It’s happened to everyone. Right? Right. Don’t leave me all alone in this.

Anyway, I am a fool for holiday specials on television, so I have no idea how I managed to never see this one before, but it was terrible. It was so terrible it was hilarious in its terribleness, because we all know the song, right? And yet, here it is, fully animated, with Grandma actually all flattened in the snow after drinking too much eggnog. And then she just disappears! For, like, an entire year. Which isn’t funny in the slightest, except that it sort of is, because no one seems to find this overly odd, not even when Grandpa starts singing a song about how Grandma is hanging out in heaven with Elvis. I sent the kids to bed about halfway through, because I couldn’t stand it anymore.

(Seriously, I don’t know what the creators were thinking, but I suspect them of drinking too much of something much stronger than eggnog. Just sayin’.)

This got me to thinking. (That’s never good, I know.) It’s been a really long time since there was a new holiday special that I felt was a must-see. All of my favorites are movies I watched as a kid. Am I being a nostalgic snob, or are there just no specials worthy of the “classic” title being made these days?

I mean, my all-time favorite is probably the newest one of the bunch I consider necessary viewing—A Christmas Story came out in 1983. (Do not even try to argue with me about its importance to the Christmas season. I will not hear of it. It’s not Christmas until I say “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid” to one of my children.)

I know a lot of folks consider The Polar Express a “new classic,” but I disagree for two reasons. First, it was a big-screen release and is feature-length, which makes it unsuitable as a television holiday classic. Second, say what you will about the film, but you have to admit that the conductor is kind of creepy. I mean, really.

So are there any new contenders? Or should I go back to Charlie Brown and the Grinch and the Heat Miser and just be quiet?