More like uninspiring minors, unfortunately

‘Tis the season for the favorite movies we’ve all watched every year around this time. I am a sucker for A Christmas Story, and the more times I see it, the more I love it. But at the same time that the billionth showing of these time-tested favorites is gracing our televisions, Hollywood is still trying to come up with a new holiday movie that might become a classic over time.

I had high hopes for Unaccompanied Minors when the commercials started running. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been to the movies in a while. Maybe it’s because it seemed familiar to me, somehow (more on that, below). Maybe it’s because I was convinced for quite a while that the movie features Anne Hathaway. (It doesn’t; that’s Gina Mantegna, but I still think they look an awful lot alike.)

Well, the time has come: Unaccompanied Minors opens tonight, and my kids are begging to see it. The only problem? The critics are already panning the film. Alas.

The premise seems interesting enough—kids are snowed in at the airport while traveling between divorced parents for the holidays. Disparate personalities unite to work towards a common goal, hilarity ensues. Rather, it’s supposed to ensue.

Remember when I said the commercials seemed sort of familiar? When I read this blurb I realized why:

It’s The Breakfast Club for middle schoolers with slightly lower-grade angst and a less memorable soundtrack.

(I’m just going to guess there’s no scene where everyone gets stoned in this one, though….)

And there is a sense that this movie should be good, what with the talent both behind the cameras and in front of them… but the verdict is that it simply falls short.

In short, Unaccompanied Minors – which traces the Home Alone-style hijinks of a bunch of parent-less kids who get snowed in at an airport over Christmas – features more smart, funny people than any other dumb, unfunny film I’ve ever seen.

Well that’s just depressing. I think we’ll stay home. Besides, nothing tops both of my kids chiming in at the exact right moment, “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”

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