Well that’s… just… uhhhh… smurfy

I… need to sit down. Wait. I’m already sitting down. Phew. Okay.

Where was I? Oh! Right.

I feel faint. Look, I don’t want to launch into a “when I was a child” speech that starts with how kids today don’t know how good they have it and ends with an impassioned declaration of how I not only walked barefoot through the snow, uphill, both ways, but I was grateful to do so, because it’s the holiday season and I’m trying very, very hard to put away my curmudgeonly tendencies until the new year.

Really, I’m trying.

But. Well. Words fail me, frankly. I was certain that this was a joke:

The “Smurfs” trilogy will be “”the animated Lord of the Rings – through the world of these idiots. Because they’re sweet characters but they’re goofs. It’s a comic version, but still very heartfelt, version of Lord of the Rings – though not literally Lord of the Rings, but an epic story like that.”

The fan favourite to voice the character of Gargamel seems to be John Lithgow. “Very interesting”, smiles Kerner. “I love John Lithgow”.

Gargamel’s back-story is going to be fully examined in the film trilogy. We’ll learn “[more] about Gargamel and Smurf Soup and how all that began and what really goes on in that castle. What his backstory really was. There’s an all-powerful wizard… there’s all sorts of things that get revealed as we go along”.

A Smurfs movie would be hard enough for me to swallow. But a trilogy? That’s being compared to Lord of the Rings?

I am remembering the Smurfs correctly, right? Little blue cartoon dudes, extremely limited vocabularies?

It’s not a joke. With trepidation aplenty, I found myself checking out the unofficial FAQ:

What is the Smurf movie?

The Smurf movie is a brand new Smurf film that will be released in movie theaters worldwide. The movie will be produced by Kerner Entertainment and distributed under Paramount Pictures’s Nickelodeon Movies banner. The Smurfs will be a 3-D CGI movie, completely rendered in three dimensions using computers – unlike the original Smurfs cartoon show, which is 2D. The movie is planned to be released in three parts – as a trilogy.

When will the Smurf movie be released?

The new Smurf movie will be released in 2008, to correspond with the 50th anniversary of the creation of the Smurfs. Yes indeed, Pierre Culliford – Peyo – started the Smurfs comic way back in 1958!

Let me get this straight. They’re bringing back an inane cartoon from my childhood that didn’t make any sense back then, fancying it up with some 3-D animation, and stretching it into not just one movie, but three. Wow.

Well, what can I say, really, except this: That’s a totally smurfy idea.

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